Once upon a time, I was like, “I’ll start a blog AND a business at the same time!” And the Universe laughed & laughed & laughed.
I've been working on the business. So much so that Mental Health Mugs seems to be finding its feet. It might even transition from an "expensive hobby that has driven me back to therapy" to a “real business.”
But the blogging. The writing. The part I was most excited about. The part I enjoy best. It hasn't happened. Not because I don't have things to write about. Sometimes I spend entire yoga classes begging my brain to focus on my breath instead of compose essays.* It hasn't happened because I may be the most sensitive person alive.
See the whole system of writing wordy social media posts works for me. Not only does it mean I don't have to maintain another website (I don't think I could afford double the therapy sessions), but it actually seems like the smart way to approach this. I want to write about mental health & there's already an incredible mental health community on Instagram. I even solved the "taking a selfie makes me dissolve into a puddle of tears" dilemma because I spend 49 hours a day working on mugs & can post mugshots.
But one day, two years ago, a friend made an offhand comment about wordy posts. She doesn't like them. Ipso facto EVERYONE hates wordy posts & me by extension if I post them. It's really quite surprising that pretending I wasn't exquisitely sensitive drove me to rehab by age 22...
Guys, imma write wordy posts on Instagram. I'll also be reposting to Facebook because my parents aren't on Instagram and they (are required by me to) want to read everything I write.
Will I sputter out again? Probably. I know this isn't actually about thinking people hate wordy posts. It's about my fear that I'm not good enough. And I'll undoubtedly latch onto a thousand other fear-based excuses to avoid taking action in the future. But fall down 7 times & get up 8.
*This is a lie based on me wanting you to think I'm a good yogi. I really beg the part of my brain that says "shouldn't you be focusing on your breath?" to shut up because I'm more interested in the essay that's unfolding.
Originally published on Facebook & Instagram on February 19, 2018.